Monday, July 7, 2014

sh!t happens.

i've had some awful, heartachy holidays. too many of them, in fact, in the last few years. i'm not sure why the holidays themselves stick out as being so bad. maybe because of the unique social situations people are in. these past two years have been crazy bad for me in this department, for heartache reasons, and this last weekend was particularly rough. i reached out to friends to keep me sane for the coming week as i try to mentally and emotionally move past the things that hurt me so bad.

so i didn't run this weekend. i called it an early night on the 4th and missed the fireworks. again. i've only seen them once in the four years i've lived in NYC. it sucks, but i needed to be home. (i made a pretty epic irish exit from the party i was at.) i bawled for about an hour on the floor in my bedroom. just disgusting, full-on sobbing. i didn't realize i could produce so many tears. (although, after the past 2.5 years, i should know by now ...) i hadn't cried like that in MONTHS. so, progress? but the rest of the weekend was lonely and sad and sucky.

i got up early today, trying to get a head start on attacking this week. i had a SUPER-productive morning: breakfast, worked an hour from home, watched the end of hellboy (i love these movies) and the today show. then i went to the gym to run.

and had the WORST stitch in my side from the moment i got on the treadmill. i warmed up with a solid 5 minutes of fast walking. it's hot and humid here in NYC, but even in the A/C for whatever reason i was sweating up a storm before i even started running. and then i couldn't run. because my side hurt so bad.

i almost just gave up, got off the treadmill, and went home. but instead i walked it off. i increased the incline, and walked for 30 minutes. and with my heart/lung situation the way it is, incline does probably more to increase my endurance than just running. instead of increasing my length-of-time endurance, i pushed my aerobic capacity. i sweated. i worked. it wasn't the workout i wanted, and it was kind of boring (running can at least be FUN), but i did it. i stuck it out.

now i'm home using my overripe bananas to make banana bread and working a bit more from home before i head to the office later. i'm a little bit dreading the rest of my day, because of reasons that have to do with the office, and the hurt i feel, but i am fighting. i'm trying.

and tomorrow, i have a date with a very attractive irishman. i wish it was tomorrow already.

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